Question:

We think our dog was abused by a man since she is afraid of men, including my husband. He has never raised his voice to her but she runs when he approaches. What can we do?

The Trainer Answers:

While it is possible your dog was abused, it is a common misconception that dogs who are afraid of men were all abused by a man at some point. Some dogs are afraid of children as well, but it doesn’t mean they were abused by a child. More than likely, these dogs were not well socialized as puppies and are therefore shy or fearful around people, new places, or other new things. In addition, some dogs are simply genetically predisposed to be more fearful.

In the case of being fearful around men, it often has more to do with deep voices, tall stature and forceful straight-on approaches than with being of the male gender. Look at the way your husband approaches your new dog. Does he approach quickly and head on, trying to pet her on top of her head? Do you approach at an angle, lowering your body closer to the ground, speaking softly and reaching in near her shoulder or chest? Does he make direct eye contact with her, while you look off to the side?

Rather than trying to approach a fearful or shy dog, let your dog approach your husband at her own pace and check him out without worrying about him trying to chase her down and pet her. Ask him to ignore her for a few days. Given the chance, most dogs will approach on their own to check things out.

Have your husband spend some time around your new dog without forcing any interaction from her. Have him drop tasty treats near him while he reads the paper. If she will take food from him, have him handle feeding all of her meals. If possible, feeding her by hand is even better for bonding than feeding from a bowl.

When meeting other people, do not let them approach your shy dog head on and pet her. Step in between your dog and the new person, and explain that your dog is shy. Ask if they will ignore your dog and allow her to check them out on her own. Let her take wide angles around people for now. Give her a chance to walk up behind and take a quick sniff as the person walks away. Forcing her to stand still while people approach her head on and pat her on the head will only confirm that people are scary and very rude. Approaching head-on and over the head is extremely rude and confrontational in the dog world.

Don’t let her run and hide every chance she gets, but neither should you force something on her if she is not yet ready. Don’t make a big deal out of new people or things. If reassuring her helps her to calm down, then by all means, reassure her. However, be careful that what you are doing is not adding to her stress level. If it is, then acting like it’s no big deal would be a better option.

Let her get comfortable at her own pace. Hopefully, she will soon learn that men are not so scary after all.

If your dog’s fear is more severe, then professional help is in order.

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